change is a challenge....

I'm not a huge fan of change, but as I get older, it has become easier to accept. I also crave change in certain areas of my life. So change is not always a bad thing. Change can be good.

I know I've mentioned it, oh a thousand times, but I really, really need a change of jobs. Basically, I need to leave my job and start my career. There is a big difference. My job is just that. A JOB. I can't advance in my position, my salary is pretty set, it's boring (now I do get busy, but the work itself bores me, busy or not), it's not challenging, I don't have much social interaction (which I crave), and it doesn't fit my personality at all. I sit at a desk for 8 hours of the day starring at computer screen and think about what I'm meant to do with my life. This gig--is not what I'm meant to do.

I feel that God has so much more for me, but I also feel STUCK. And I don't know how to get unstuck. Which is why changing my current situation is a challenge. I hear all the time that if you want things to get done, then do it. If you want things to change, change it. I agree, I really do, but there is so much more to it, then just waking up one day and say "I'm going to change it" and then do it. So much has to be planned and thought through. For example, I have insurance through my work currently, I have that steady income, a baby could be in the future and I need the insurance (my husbands is very costly to add me to it)...things to think about, to weigh in on in the decision making process...again, a challenge.

I have been praying and praying that doors will open, God will lead me to the direction I (want) need to go. He knows my heart, my desires. My heart is screaming let me do Real Estate full time! It is quite challenging to do it part time while holding down a full time job. Essentially I have 2 jobs. Not to mention the other things that I need to tend to in my life, most importantly, my family.

I have been searching for part time jobs in the area, in hopes that I can work part time to bring in some steady income (real estate fees are costly!) while I focus on Real Estate and make it more of a full time position and grow that business. That has also been a challenge, as my schedule basically has to be free on weekends (not opposed to working Saturday mornings) and I can only work morning hours, leaving my afternoons free for showing houses, closings, etc. That is my heart, my passion, my desire. I love doing it. I'm happy when I do it. I realized the other day that when I'm out showing houses, I'm joyful (whether I sell a house that day or not), I come home happy. Happiness? Is that created by the person or can it be created by circumstances? In my case--part person, part circumstances. I'm a fairly happy person, but when I'm stuck at a place that I don't love and get talked down to and get treated like a 2 year old--that takes a toll on my overall happiness and realizing that my love, my dream is with in arms length, yet I can't fully invest in it--that also takes a toll on my happiness. I realize I'm saying "I, me, my" quite a bit, but if I'm feeling fulfilled and happy, then won't that show towards my husband, my children, to others?! With my personality--it does. I'm not one to shy away from how I feel or what I think (in most situations).

I am just at a loss, what should I do. I have only ONE life. ONE. Why am I not making the most of it while I'm here? Why am I stuck at a place that kills my joy? Why am I not out doing something I love that brings joy to others? (getting a new house is joyful!) Should I step out in Faith and just quit my job and trust God will financially bless us until I can get the career going? Or should I continue to pursue a part time position and work on Real Estate more?


The ultimate goal is to have a more flexible schedule with my family, to still bring in a steady income (or any income) and do what I love, to make otheres happy and bring them joy, to live this life to the fullest. That is truly the desire of my heart. Truly. Just how...how do I get there?
I just give up all to HIM, because I just don't have the answers.

(oh and the reason I'm where I am is because this job was made available to me when we first moved back home. I always knew I wouldn't stay for long, just long enough to get the real estate career going--then, (sigh) then the economy failed and I haven't had much option but to stay...)

**Edit: I don't want to come off as a complete whiner or baby--but I have lost a buyer due to my current lack of flexibility (which is totally understandable) so if I sound like I'm complaining, well.......I AM.