Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Today is day 3 of Molly being sick. She threw up two times yesterday, with mostly mucus. She is very congested and has been coughing and crying a lot. I feel so bad for her and just keep her loaded up with Vicks rub and some motrin (because I'm sure she's got sinus headaches with all the snot and congestion she has going on). I ache to be with her today, instead I'm at work with a pile of things to do that seems to keep on growing instead of shrinking with every item I cross off. I needed a break from it all, so I'm just type my own thoughts instead of evaluations-all basically saying the same thing.

I hope that being back to work and getting back into routine will help motivate me to become more joyful in general. I have lived back in my home town for almost 2 years now and I still long to be back in Indianapolis with my church and friends..true we were poor as dirt there, but I was much happier. We moved back to our home town, have more money, yet I'm not happy. I think it's funny that I grew up here and yet, I know no one...is that strange? I feel like I have to start over and make all new friends as old ones have moved away or we have drifted apart. It's like being a new kid in school...everyone else already has their group of friends and you somehow have to find a way to fit in to one of the groups. Maybe I'm lazy, but I don't feel like making the time to try to fit in to a group....can't I just have my friends move here from Indy? Or better yet, move back...HOME...because that's what it is, Indy is home. I pretty much complain and whine on a daily basis to my husband and sometimes my family. I do think I am being selfish on some level...I get free childcare while I'm working, we have a bigger home, more money in the bank, a good job that I feel job security in, a good church (which was hard to find, FW is so behind the times!) a few friends, and some new ones in the making...but it doesn't feel like home and I wonder how long it will be till it starts to feel that way? I'm not a person that is big on change, in fact I LOATHE change. I think this was a bigger change then I anticipated and maybe that's why it's so hard for me to accept...because I have to accept it right? Things won't go back to how it was. We aren't moving back (at least not any time soon) so maybe I have to learn to accept that God has put us here for a reason....and I have to wait to find out that reason, because as well all know I'm not a patient person...and I think God has been trying to teach me patience my whole life..and he needed to give me a big change to teach me a big lesson...

1 comment:

  1. I often wonder if we move back to Ohio if I'd have some of the same feelings you're having now. The place we grew up is a much smaller town than FW (like 2000 people or something)...and I get frustrated just visiting the churches there and stuff...And yeah, all my old friends either moved away or we've drifted apart and there's a bunch of new people who I don't even know. It would be weird to move back. I am glad that things are looking up for you financially, and your house sounds awesome and stuff...but I understand that you would miss your friends and your church, etc. Btw, some of our friends live over by Castleton and they are looking for a church. He grew up at our church, but it is not a good fit for her. So I told them about your old church in Fishers and they thought it sounded cool...What was the name of it? Is there a website?