It's been awhile since I have posted anything, due to lack of time or lack of content. The past 2 weeks have been long weeks in the Amaro household. Long, tiring, exhausting weeks full of emotions and struggling.
A week ago Saturday we got a phone call from my In-laws. It was 9:30pm. My husbands cousin, Jesse was in a motorcycle accident and it didn't look good. Jesse was 32, he had a wife(High school sweetheart) and 3 adorable, sweet children, 11, 9 and 4. In that phone call, in that second, lives were changed forever. Jimmy looked at me and I told him he needed to go to the hospital. In the meantime I am trying to call my brother-in-law, who was at a wedding, to let him know of what was happening. I'm texting Jimmy's cousins, getting more information as to what is going on. 10 mins after Jimmy left, his cousin text me and said that Jesse passed. He was gone. I quickly called Jimmy and he wasn't quite at the hospital yet and his parents just called. He continued to the hospital, to meet up with the rest of his family. I then called my brother-in-law, twice. He finally answered and I told him that Jesse died. He didn't realize how serious the accident was. He left the wedding to meet everyone at the hospital. I'm not sure what time Jimmy returned home that night, I just know it was late and you could feel the hurt, pain and loss of a family member.
I never understood why at companies Bereavement did not include cousins. Sometimes your cousins are closer to you than your own siblings! Sometimes your cousins are LIKE your siblings. Sometimes they can be your best friend.
That weekend was long. I was starting to get very sick, Ryan was getting sick and Molly was getting over sickness. Jimmy was gone with his family most of the weekend while I stayed with the kids and visited my cousin who was in town. More than ever did I want to spend time with her. I knew I had to balance that and being there for my husband.
The viewing was on a Wednesday. I think my heart broke more when I saw his wife and children. What do you say to a 4 year old who asks, "Why is Daddy not waking up? Why is Daddy not moving? Why can't I see his legs? Why isn't he talking to me? Why won't he stand up?!" My heart just rips apart every time I hear or think about this. Then to see his 11 year old not move his side, looking at him, longing for him. His wife...words can't express the emotions I saw on her face. Sorrow.
What a hard night that was. I didn't want to see him the casket. Call me crazy, I believe everyone grieves differently. I don't like seeing someone lifeless, I want to remember them how they were. I got close, but not too close. I don't want a viewing at my funeral. Pictures, videos, but no viewing. Remember me how I was, not how I look in a casket. (Although, I know that is closure to many people)
The funeral was actually very good. The pastor was excellent. He gave everyone such hope and peace about everything. Jesse was a member of his church and very involved. His children know the love of Jesus and so does his wife. The showed a video of pictures of Heaven and nature and life and had the song "I Can Only Imagine" as the soundtrack. The last picture was of Jesus hugging a man at Heaven's Gate. I think I about lost it. But also reminded how wonderful that moment will be and how comforting that is. He's in God's arms and embrace.
I asked Jimmy in the car on our way to the Burial site what a funeral would be like if that person did not know Jesus. If they were not a Christian or had any kind of faith whatsoever. What do they offer at the funeral? There is no hope, they don't believe in Hope or Peace. I believe your heart heals faster knowing that your loved one is with Jesus and that you will see them again one day. Most of Jimmy's family is not saved and I hope they listen to the pastor and saw the amazing love, grace, peace, and hope he brings.
God has been so good already to the family, with the kids private schooling being paid for in full, the church and city (he worked for the city) have paid for part of the funeral, people have supplied them with food and groceries, and the list goes on. God is faithful.
Continue to keep our family in your prayers. For his wife and his kids and the rest of the family.
After all of this last week, I ended up getting a serious sinus infection (I guess that should not be ignored!) Ryan ended up getting very ill with croup on Monday morning--ER trip followed. Then 2 days later so did a Dr. visit. He had an ear infection and swollen tonsils. Molly is still coughing and now tugging at her ears, after having a nasty virus the week before.
Ever feel like Satan attacks you when you are down? That's been my last 2 weeks.
But..God has conquered.